ako at ang aking bulalo

happy at 21

2009-10-24T05:25:00.000-07:00

i caught sight of the way. bona fide happiness indeed. something no one can't take away. :)
i couldn't squeeze anything out of me but gratitude.
5 days to go before i turn 21. i met my deadline!

no more tears. just SUSPENSE! i love myself :)

1233333

2009-05-17T06:33:00.000-07:00

My dwelling has an insufficient stock of love. This scarcity has caused me
to respond relentlessly to everything, everyone around me. So i
unhesitatingly decided to blame whoever. I remember saying "..just being
you means you still grumble about thesame things for thesame acounts.." Ok
fine I take that back. You can be you, even if you change, you are still
you. But even if you do change, you should not make waves with the fact
that people won't change their minds. Especially if at one point you hurt
them. No matter how you swear and kneel and cry, if they won't believe
you, they just won't.

I remember the day I got my heart broken. The day started out fine. I was
on my way to my best friend's house since things between me and my
ex-boyfriend was getting really confusing. COnfusing by choice. Confusing
by choice because it was right infront of me, I just didn't take it into
gospel. I didn't believe anybody, even myself, even if it the cutting,
nasty "evidences" was right there infront of my pretty but then stupid
face. We've all been here. We grumble until we get a confession that we
wish would turn out to "no. I'm not cheating on you. I love you.". But
unfortunately for some us, they do say "yes.I'm cheating on you. I don't
love you anymore". Talk about the art of plasticity.. gaaaaaahhh!!! So I
got the confession I "wanted". Then started crying and crying and saying
stupid things that up until now my friends and I would laugh at (but at
the back of my mind I wanna murder myself for saying those things).
Looking back at that day, the day i got my heart broken for the first
time, I feel emptiness, It didn't leave a bruise, who I was before that
day and until now is still thesame. After that I thought there was a bulk
of diversity, that my soul drove to another road. Did I really change?

Love has done wonders to me. Weh, No... haha. It did shit to me like the
day I learned to ride a bike. Love left a bitter taste in my mouth just
like how dark chocolate did, but I still came back for another bite.
Love is indeed the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise. I felt so
dumb and mad. So there I was, heart broken and pregnant, no parents no
family, not to mention no booze, no nothing. And it was hard to move on. I hate moving on. And i swore I'd never get my heart broken again.

Until the day came that I got my heart broken again. He started out as someone who I'd date just because. Until I fell. And you know what happens when you fall and where you fall. You fall into a pit of stupid slime and goo in a spiral manner. Everything went wrong but everything still felt like it was meant to be. This time it hit me hard in the head. Like really hard. I needed some kind of anesthetic so I won't feel this soring discomfort of losing him. And of losing our friends. Nobody was siding with anybody, It was not that. It's just that somebody had to stay away. Unfortunately, again, it had to be me. We couldn't be together in one group anymore. He would say bitch jokes too much and I'd backfire. And we were shooting each other with words, not harsh but still we had this silent campaign against each other. Literally, silent. We never talked about it. We didn't feel the agony of the "push and pull" theatrical piece and the forced tear-jerker moments. The day it was over, it was over. For him atleast.

Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable.

phbt

2009-04-07T09:45:00.000-07:00

im updating this so moli has something to read..

innntteeerreesssttiiinngg :P hehhehe

byerS!

I'm bringing nerdy back.

2009-02-26T04:19:00.000-08:00

I am bedevilled by the fact that I am for all practical purposes taking as gospel "good karma".

Will never ever want to have a hunch of diddly cries.

Incapable without a tranqulizer gun.

Clamorring for a cinder block house abreast of blue.

And finally steering clear of prejudiced babble.

all of these just because one feels useless.

*i'm full of crap today.. i know...

anak ng tinola naman oh

2009-02-24T03:41:00.001-08:00

masama na 'to. dalawang araw palang akong hindi umiinom hinahanap ko na ang alak. (kunwari yan ang issue - ang aking pagiging alcoholic, pero hindi) i don't give! Keep on Paksheting! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! tinatamad ako magtext ok????

@ roy: gwapo ka na ba?
@ rocky: nawala ka nung sabado??hinahanap ka nung babaeng nakacocktail dress
@ jayzon: magsasara na ang omaikhan bro . maawa ka naman
@ jussel: uuuy maayos na kotse nya..
@ raylene: salamat. dito na ako office. hehe panu kaya makakarating sau to?
@ miren: tulog ka nanaman?!!!
@ abz: musta candy?
@ bianca: dito ka na ba baguio?? ang tagal naman ampp.
@ steph: sorry d ako nakapunta binyag ni Arabella.
@ gave: sorry d ako nakapunta binyag ni Stacey.

scooters vacation fall hweheheh bakit kasi!!!!

put your shame face on! gawd....

2009-02-17T06:56:00.001-08:00

How easy is to entrench oneself when everyone else breaks silence and says elseway?

I have proven, in a matter of 30 seconds, that even if your permanence is in fine feather and your constancy is surpassingly solid : THE OPINION OF THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE WILL ALWAYS MATTER. Then your wall breaks and is replaced by a bubble of skepticism. And you know for a fact, the only fact that you are sure of, that it turned out to be a doltish compromise.

2009-02-13T04:13:00.000-08:00

You cannot help but feel a torrent of pressure during those times that you are in the saddle of diversification. And as you grow older, you become ease with this torrent that you no longer feel the need to change. That you are better off just being you (Which is on all counts good). But "just being you" means you still grumble about thesame things for thesame accounts.

You're just older but not wiser.

And if you are lucky, you're a fat-cat. Moneyed and well-off.

Stop trying to change the world. Start changing yourself. Ü

There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.- Aldous Huxley

The 2nd Hour

2009-02-12T07:09:00.000-08:00

Goodbye to another temporal length of event as i remain buttoned up. As I yen so much to verse myself on WHY. Why the irony of silence when inside I have been clamorring for vicissitude, for permutation. A withdrawal from who I am to transition to who I REALLY am. (or who i want so much to be T_T)

I prevail upon smiles
and laughter
and giggles
and chuckles
and chortles blaring or inaudible.

My spirit blushes once again. I love You God. Please keep on doing this to me.

Bagtit ka talaga !

2009-02-05T18:16:00.000-08:00

When I finally brought into being felicity, I felt slaphappy, dazed.

I am out of sorts. Notably below par and my conjecture on things are back to being glassy-eyed.

I'll retain. The supposed thin waters that I am.

Guilt Free Abby

2009-02-04T19:19:00.000-08:00

my levelheadedness is reborn. YEY!

you are a manifestation of a bad idea. hehe. [way too harsh i know]

But i am not impassioned with anger. I love this feeling!

Thank you to everyone!

Sad. I am.

2009-01-30T06:38:00.000-08:00

The formation of mental objects in my head is glassy-eyed.

They speak as if they can unravel who we are.

Who we are is not far-reaching. It is what we have that is.

I will love you no matter what.

[UN]Expected Random Event

2009-01-28T17:54:00.000-08:00

THE SCENE: I am brainsick for you.

THE FACT: I am not your merriment, and so are my feelings.

NAGPAPARINIG

2009-01-28T07:14:00.000-08:00

Ehem. I have a friend. He's full of animosity for his own heart. He feels like a woman, that decision after decision is pestilent. He feels that he is detrimental to everything that could be damaged around him and he can't help but to add insult to those that are already damaged. He wishes to be disengaged, completely. *trying to be a dandelion like me.weee !!! Ü* Then to be reborn with another identity. "Starting Fresh" i guess. I tell my friend to stop it, but he does not do it. My friend listens to me, yes he does, it's just that no matter how much he tries, he can't control being his "SELF". He can't help but do bad things. His face has a "bad grass" caption. And weird thing is he thinks he's the only one who sees it. He knows his bad, he thinks other people see him as bad,but from my point of view he isn't.

See, we are human. We can't be perfect. And that given, we must forgive ourselves during those temporal length of events that we feel we carried out life's bloopers. We are on earth, the earth is earthly, so we sin. Again cliche, you cannot please everybody. If you think people laugh at you, If you think your a joke, then smile. Blessed are you who make their asses laugh. Smile please smile. Do not mess up what you have now because of what you want to have. Relax.

Just when i thought I was on all counts substantial, the people I love made me feel impalpable. And in the best fashion : All..in..one..Hit.

the 3rd hour

2009-01-26T04:40:00.000-08:00

when feelings are gone, you act like a passenger who destroys a plane's cockpit so you, too, can prove you can fly.

It has been known as "checkpoints" in your life that once you know something, after some time something or someone deviates that fact. How dare them? Yes. Oh yes. What right have they to take you away from your principles that you worked so hard on just to make them rock solid. Then one wash from the waves would grind them into grains of sand and mix them with other "washed away" beliefs. Then you feel like a pauper. Helpless. Nothing to feed on but what other people don't care about. You take what they don't need for you know that they won't care, and even if it has sufficed, you still are jealous of the things that they have that you know you can never get your hands on. And coming from me, the greatest sin is Envy. It gives birth to all the other sins. I don't know, that's how I see it. A goof's point of view. Fellow goofs, u get my point right? gyeah...

So if you would ask me now what all this is about. I'd have one answer which i wish will not be "washed by the waves" or be taken away by the people i love (*sigh*). I don't care. Yes bitches, Ze Queen of Apathy is back!

Mandatory Realization [friendship?]

2009-01-20T03:26:00.000-08:00

if you were not as glitter-minded as you seem. maybe you would have passed as one of those who i can turn my back from.

no it might not be that thing that we call 'the body bliss'. as most of THESE are. for you an obeisance. please take it and don't say thanks.

you need not say sorry. you need not 'fish'. i was beginning to think of literally yanking out your heart when you said those. [sorry, oh so barbaric me XD]

Will things still be thesame? When I no longer ablaze whoever for whatever reason. (Credits to you on that note) And what if I was no longer mesmerized and spellbound? Which by the way I still am. but what if? Like what we say. Nothing will suffice.

And no matter how long this thing goes on. no matter how much people get involved. It will all boil down to "TIME WILL TELL"..

**i'm a cliche person. so sue me

Dandelion

2009-01-20T03:13:00.000-08:00

I THINK I FAILED TO SAY THANKS... YOU ARE MOST DEFINITELY NOT A COMMONPLACE..
For the longest time my cognition on a dandelion is something that vanishes in quick air. Well kudos to you for twisting my cognizance. For making me understand that a dandelion is something you hold not too tight for it easily breaks but not too loose because like what i've said, it vanishes in quick air. I feel the essence of your being, you are a smile factory indeed. I reckon a plane crashes and still you smile. You'd most probably look for a nest so you can rest a little bit, you seem restless to me. Then you would fly where u must go.

This is a tiring standpoint, I must say. It is squeezing all the sense and life out of me. I hope you are not as mutilated as I am. In pain because time is not in beat with you and me. I never thought you would be this complicated.

Guilty

2009-01-16T04:39:00.000-08:00

My sin. Again finding myself looking on old scrapbooks, drawers, thousands of pages that shout "STUPID ABBY". It has a vexatious kind of itch.. grrrr! irksome. just plain irksome! To falsify who you were, when you were, is close to impossible. For a gazillion (2nd syllable stressed) people have been with you , or should i say watched you, on those trying days. Stage lights & flickers shouted "con artist".

In a person's life, there will come a time that a blue will be red, a red will be green, and a green will be yellow. Coming from a kid like me, the hell i care if my colors are mixed up. Because from my view, colors are words, not colors, blue is blue, red is red, and green is green. I can close my eyes and hear colors. (and...NO i am not on drugs). I am just a walking jeer. The fact that I am, if it makes you happy then I am happy =) weeee. Jeer is diff from lesbian. But i'm open to a transition.

I've been bad so sue me.

I've changed. I can see you love me.

bigger fonts? came to a realization :P wordplay is huge :)

Mechanism number 1: Ratio and Proportion ? gawd...

2009-01-15T04:39:00.000-08:00

chancy accord. not written in paper. and not carved in a tree trunk (that would work for me.heeehee).

can't...help...it.... must..... talk.......

I have seen, I have been to places far and deep in my mind, and you know what's next right? It will just keep on burning and burning until it runs out of element.

ME: Use the fire when you need to. Urgency is not an option, but you must be urgent. Baffling as it may seem, it's ur lapse. The river is not going to flow your direction all the time.

MY OTHER SIDE: It's not your fault. no it's not your fault. stop blaming me. I'm a WONDERFUL. I'm a HAPPY! I'm a PEACE. please?

Nagmamadali sorry magulo

2009-01-13T18:46:00.000-08:00

So what's the score?
No this is not pressure.
No this is not an appraisal of some sort.
No not a verdict, variety or picking a favorite.
No this is not about my oh-so-refined-taste.(yeah right)

Or is it?

I've been battling with you. With you whom I swore to love with all my heart from a far.
But I just can't. I need to be happy. I must be happy. I DESERVE to be happy.
Atleast that's what they all say. . .

When it was you..

Gasping everytime you were around..
Feeling as if you were just inches away..
I smiled when you smiled because of me..
I hated it when you smiled. just smiled. it was, again, luring me in..
You had some kind of a scheme : "LOVE ME AND BE THE HAPPIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD!"
The most important thing to you is being happy..
...Happy even if it was confusing..
...Happy even if it was unstable..
...Happy even if I wasn't...

And then there was him..

I was animate. Like a tipsy kind of animate.
Happy go lucky, it was not an exigency, i was really happy.
Every song felt like it was holding my heart.
Seeing him smile was seeing myself smile. And we smiled for no reason. No it was not hard to smile.
He was willing.Well-disposed. He showed me everything I wanted to get from you.
WAIT. Do I hear rebound? He is not, don't you dare say he is. I love him. I chose him. I want him. I will take care of him. God it makes me cry to see him. He deserves real love, the kind of love I was willing to give you.

Masama magkumpara. At yan ang iniiwasan kong gawin. Pero kailangan may basehan. At simple lang . Huli na talaga. Kung ano man yung ngayon yun ay dahil mahalaga ka sakin pero yun na. Masakit pa para sakin na sabihin to? Oo naman. Too late. Period. I love him.

*Sorry magulo thoughts ko ngayon. Kasi ptapos na break ko ng gngawa ko to. Basta. Gets nyo na diba? tangina naman oh.. Kung para kanino to sya pa d magbabasa. Pero atleast alam nyo na..

2009-01-12T05:50:00.000-08:00

dissipated are the days.

..when i tried to lure him into my world..
..when my thoughts would move aimlessly about him..
..sojourn..maybe.

how i loved to loved during those days. how i loved to love only him.

..he who is, in my field of vision, oh most loving..
..he who was the whole of my pensive thoughts..

forgive me? is this the right time to ask for forgiveness? have i really decided?
or am i still waiting? do i still want you to lure me in? please lure me in.

"If I don't say this now I will surely break..

As I'm leaving the one I want to take..

Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait..

My heart has started to separate.."

tired

2009-01-02T07:40:00.000-08:00

I cannot wait for my 6 day vacation leave. I don't want to see any of the faces in this office for 6 days. i just want to be a bum. I am so tired and I'm gonna bitch slap anyone who talks to me and I'm gonna sucker punch anyone who looks at me as if i have business with them. I will hibernate. Sleep for 6 days straight, I don't care if I don't wake up. Haay nakakainis tlga. nakakapagod.

Prospero Ano Nuevo

2008-12-29T09:45:00.000-08:00

What is gonna change this 2009 for us? I have never ever seriously had a new year's resolution. Maybe because I know I can never achieve it anyway. But since I've been through the most non sense year of my life (2008, ugh), I would like to achieve a sensible year this 2009 (*bow*). I will make a list. A raw list ( I still have a day and a half to think kasi eh) of what my resolutions will be, and we never really know when I'm gonna stick a fork on these things pero good luck, susuportahan ko sarili ko kahit ayaw nyo.

Lessen my Cigarette Intake - ofcourse. Ze Resolution of all Resolutions.
Stop Procrastinating - I am just effing lazy. Will try my best not to be this year.
Paint my room - I really need to do this. T_T
Spend more time with aki and my friends - this just means i have so little time for the world.
Stop hating people - I'll start doing something about the hate i feel (BWAHAHA)
Drink more - i swear ang hina ko uminom ngaung 2008.
Lose Weight - for obvious reasons. kahit 20 lbs lang.
Take Vitamins Seriously - ang sakitin ko din ngaung 2008.
Get a Nose Piercing - bakit kasi? :P

ayan na muna. parang d ko kaya lahat eh. 2008 was not a productive year for me. Relinquished goals *sigh*. Moved on from my mistakes and very happy with my decisions.
Thank you to all of the people I've been with this year. Tangina I love my friends talaga! And to him, thank you din, you know who you are. looking forward to a happy 2009 with you. I love y'all! Wag na magdisclose ng mga pangalan, baka may makalimutan ako eh. basta love ko kaung lahat :) Appie new year! This is my year coming bitches! WAHAHA

Matikas at Dakila

2008-12-28T11:03:00.000-08:00

Matikas at Dakila.

Tumigil kayo. Nagwawala na ang baga ng dalaga. Masakit na daw sabi nya. Para bang dumudugo sa loob. Nakakahinga siya pero masakit daw huminga. Tigilan niyo na ang paghila sa kanya pababa. Dahil hindi niya malabanan ito. Pababa eh. Ayon sa agos ng gravity, ayon sa kagustuhan ng buwan. Ang galing galing ninyo. Pag-untugin niya kaya kayo. Magsiayos kayo ng galaw. Please Please Please. Plus 1 na kayo lagi.. syet tama na. waaaahhhhh.

xmas '08

2008-12-24T11:54:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone! At work on christmas day but that's ok since nobody is really at home and I'd just be sleeping. But I want to sleep I am still ever so restless. WishlisT? hmm. I started out having a wishlist since Xmas '07. It changes dynamically.! Maybe because I'm a woman or because I am really, in the whole essence of it, FICKLE-MINDED. Never did get what I wanted the time the I want it and always got the best things the least that I expect it. So many changes since the last time I've been depressed. I'm not saying I'm depressed now, you know how the "xmas wind" chills our emotions right? It's like the air is carrier of love, joy, forgiveness and tears. Air borne as it is, I tried not to get affected and being the Queen of Apathy that I am, i tried not to care. But everybody is just so happy about it, i had to feel something, too. I wanted to be indifferent : Failed. My status? A martian, still looking for more stuff to do even if I feel like I am ever so restless. Still deems life as a game. Accidentally inlove. Mediocre precious. Still non-sense and i know I am and I don't really care.

Don't love me because of what you see, love me because you enjoy the real me (cliche I know), what's inside me. Don't just love me, appreciate that God created me.

BORED005

2008-12-16T06:42:00.000-08:00

back from rest day.

expect me to blab stuff about what i did. Blog ko naman eh, bakit kasi? hek hek.

Una sa lahat, wala ako nagawa sa mga plano ko para sa rest day ko. Paint ng room? WALA!.. dabog.. Simulan ang bagong book? WALA DIN! dabog.. mag ihaw? WALA DIN! dabog.. plan pooper. :'(. pero syet ang saya! grabe! ay lab my friends.

Sunday morning nagstart off ko. Uwi muna, tulog, plinano kong gumising pero hindi ako nagising, 3 pm na ako nagising kasi sobrang antok ko ngay. Salamat sa Diyos naintindihan ako ni Jayzon at Aries, sorry mga pare, nakabawi naman ako dbah? Saya ng gig dbah? hehe. Nakalimutan nyo na may kasalanan ako dbah? hehe, Salamat at trinato nyo ako ng prinsepe nung araw na yun (prinsipe po, hindi prinsesa). Salamat sa pagsisilbi. Dapat ganyan kaung dalawa. ayusin nyo buhay nyo heheh joke. =)

Tapos ngpnta kame ng Miguel's kasi may binyag. Friends lang ang andun. WAaah dun palang wasak na ako. Tinamaan ako nung ladies' drink na kulay pink, kung ano man yun. Eh d naman ako umiinom ng ganun eh. Tapos nagsherades kame. Ang galing naman 7 pts ang girls, 0 ang boys, ahahah :P BLEH! ang galing ko pala magsherades ngayon ko lang nalaman =)

Went to 18 BC after, nuod ng gig, masaya din ako dun kasi may musika. May mga nakita pa akong tao na mejo may role sa buhay ko ehehhe ano daw un? hmm basta un na un. hehehe :D

Ang ingay ngay. Tumugtog Revelation, linamutak nila ang set nung banda na dapat na tutugtog, pero ok lang un. Ang galing nila. Kudos. Buy one take one pa beer. hekhek. sarap ngay. ang dami ko nainom kasing na ako.

General Lim pakatapos nun kasama ibang friends nanaman, tapos sumunod ung bandang tumugtog, tapos nag beer ng nagbeer ng nagbeer ng nagbeer hanggang 6 ng umaga.Hanggang sa nagutom kmeng lahat, syempre ako nagpasimuno kasi chowking ang pagkain. iiee. pero d namain naubos alam nyo ba kng bakit? kasi may isang tao na nagpasimuno ng beach, ng pumayag kmeng lahat, gusto nya ng umalis as in umalis na daw kaagad, Lord naman, d pa ako tapos kumain eh, binalik nya sa plastik ang mga pagkain at nagmadaling lumayas. Hindi pa nila alam kng ano ang sasakyan na gagamitin, mga inarte, nakapyjama kmeng bumaba, at hindi namin alam kng san kami pupunta. Bahala na si batman. Bwisit. Pero ang saya promise. Wala kaming kamuwang muwang kung san kami dadalhin ng gas. Ang init sa baba grabe, ang dami pang kurakot hehe lahat ng kanto na papasukan mo bbgyan ka ng sticker tas babayaran mo ng bente pesos. Namalengke pa kami dun kasi wala tlga kameng dala na kht ano.

Nung andun na kme sa beach at sa bahay, pagod na kaming lahat, lasing pa kami, walang tulog at gutom din, kasi hindi namin naubos ung chowking namin ngay. amp. hindi na kme nagpapansinan, galit galit na lahat, kasi gutom na kame tas ang init, tas lasing pa kame. May natulog sa kotse, sa sala, sa sahig. Galit galit talaga. Nakakabadtrip ung init. Pero nung nakarecharge na kaming lahat, awanen. Nagiinom nanaman, nagkakanta tas swimswimming naman na kme. hekhek. Kahit gabi na, Kahit kung ano ano n gngwa namin at kht pinagkakamalan na kmeng hapon. uh nu. hekhek. Tapos nung gabi na, pakatapos kumain ng maliliit at masasarap ng galunggong (yum!!) natulog na kami. kanya kanyang pwesto na, may mumu pa badtrip. mais-isscared ako ya. auko na ikwento ung mumu ngay.

Nang nagumaga, nagshotshot manen ken swimming. Syempre nagmoments kami ni via kasi lab ko sya..iieeeghhh. hehehe. Nagpaitim kami. Ang dami namin pnaggagawa kng ano ano. Kung masyadong detailed mapapagod ako magtype. Masmasaya sana kung marami kame. Pero sakto lang, ang saya. aylavet tlga. Oh no. tapos pauwi umiinom ulit? bkt ngay? ang gagu ko tlga. ok lang un. mukang gago naman tlga ako eh :P.

tas natulog ako. ilang oras lang. tas trabaho na. OO asa trabaho ako ngaun. Bwisit. so sick of this shit.babayus. =)

feel it in the one drop

2008-12-12T07:37:00.000-08:00

Oh my, your confused. And so you thought you had a gelid prearrangement. It deviates everytime you see, hear, or feel something. Don't listen to your senses, they are just there because you are alive, breathing, a heart beating. Feel as if you're dead. As if no matter what you see, hear or feel, you can't do anything about it. That's the best strategy that you can do now, especially at a time that nobody really knows about what's going on, even you. And you know what, unless you learn to love who you are, u'll remain dead, mad, lost. Pain is inevitable, okay? Stop trying to push it away. Love yourself, because you are special in your own right. You can't have everything. Stop it! . . . .

Give us the teachings of His Majesty - with a stick-up!We no want no devil philosophy. Can you hear?Give us the teachings of His Majesty,For we no want no devil philosophy.

BORED004

2008-12-10T04:20:00.000-08:00

Panong nangyari? Na may mga gusto kang patunayan na d naman kailangan. Nakakaasar talaga. Talo ba ang unang nagbago? O sya ay nagwagi dahil nahanap nya ang sarili nya? At may mga bagay na napagtutuunan nya ng pansin ngaun ngunit d nya pinapakialaman noon? Is the glass half full or half empty? Has it been a blank sad empty space or room for improvement? Ang sakin lang, at sakin lang ha? Wag mo nang isipin kng ano ang nangyari dahil may sala ka. At pinagbabayaran mo ito. Wala ka ng magagawa. Pero isipin mo nalang ganun at ganun din pahahantungan nuon. Promise. Maniwala ka sakin. 1 month na. ang saya :) ang galing. utopian love story directed craftly by you. me love.

BORED003

2008-12-08T01:52:00.000-08:00

1st post in dude's place.

Bored ulit syempre.. Rest Day parin. Ang saya ko, para akong nanalo ng lotto XD hekhek. Nakatulog ako ng mahaba kahit isang araw lang. Thank You God =). Salamat po sa araw ng pahinga! And now, maglalakwatsa na kame. Kasi kailangan na kailangan namin ito. Dahil pareho nanaman kmeng naprapraning sa mga taong d naman dapat pagtuunan ng pansin ng mga utak namin. We are but paupers for love . woosshhooo.. Justin is missing out :P! Cge ciao! Bilog nanaman ang buwan! YES!

Aborticide

2008-12-06T04:49:00.000-08:00

Why not? Because it's wrong.

Even if you think it's right, you just deem it as right because of the wrong reasons. Start to think of what you are doing. In time, you are gonna have kids, why be unfair to the luggage of your womb now? This is not because of YOU. Not because of your family either, and most especially not because if your future because your future will remain unpredicted no matter how much you plan it. This is because of God, and what God knows will be best for you. Cliche as it may seem, it's true as shit. It DOES happen.

Problems are here now. All in one package. Congratulations! This may not be what you wanted, but this is definitely what you need. To fix your life. To make it meaningful for you. To give you a bit more perspective than what you have now. You are a very smart girl and I know you are going to make a very good mother. There will be times that you are gonna doubt yoursef, and you won't have any idea on what to do. I know that you are a strong person, I just don't know if you will be strong enough for this. Cause we have been anticipating this event and we have planned on what to do, but people change and our decision has changed, too. You're not ready but you have no choice but to be ready. Never depend on anyone. We are here, and we will always be here, don't get us wrong, we won't leave you. But the thing is, in the end, it's always just gonna be YOU, YOUR CHILD and YOUR DECISIONS.

I love you for changing your mind. We love you. HE loves you. And i'm sure he/she will love you, too.

BORED002

2008-12-06T04:36:00.000-08:00

bugbugan nanaman ng keyboard.

Un nlng ang naririnig ko araw araw, ang sakit sa tenga. Inaalipusta ang mga computer dito sa opis. Ay apo. Awan maaramid manen. Mayaman nanaman ako. Mayaman ako sa labahan, pati magpalaundry tinatamad na ako ng gawin. Pag ako naiinis babatukan ko sarili ko. Kesa, umayos ka naman. Please. ^.^

Uy, sya nga pala, sa aking malapit na kaibigan, good decision. Mahirap ang pagdadaanan mo pero andto lang kme para sayo. Nagsisimula na ang kagandahan ng buhay mo sa gagawin mo ng yan, kahit idadaan mo lahat sa iyak, pagod at pawis, it's all gonna be worth it. I promise. There is nothing in this world like being a mother and having the principles of one. I love you friend. Miss na kita. Kita kits pagakyat mo!

Ang lakas ng pagtibok ng puso ko. Literally ha? Hindi ako nagiinlab-inlaban. =P. Pagod na ako, isipin ko nalang na last shift na to, at uuwi na ako, at matutulog ng 24 hours dahil wala akong lakad, maliban nlng sa dentist appt sa tuesday, manicure/pedicure day with Miren sa wednesday, at isisingit ko ang laundry pangako. hmm. PANGAKO!

Updates:
May yaya na ako, so ano na ang susunod kong gagawin? *I'm trying to make myself substancial and useful to the world*

taong grasa

2008-12-05T13:44:00.000-08:00

Minumura mo ako. Sa tuwing nakikita kita minumura mo damdamin ko. Pwes, putangina mo rin! Putangina mo ng bonggang bongga! Kung ano mang gawin mo sa buhay mo wala akong pakialam. Minsan na akong nakialam pero ngayon wala na. sa-id na. ubos na. wag ka ng umasa. kht glt wala. dhl kht galit d ko nararamadaman para sayo. sana lang hindi na kita nakilala. na hindi ka umepal sa buhay ko. Papansin ka kasi masyado. Wala akong hiling ngaun kundi ang magmahal. Dahil mas gugustuhin kong magmahal ng taong grasa kesa sau. taong grasa, i labyu, kung sino ka man.

cheers

2008-12-02T05:49:00.000-08:00

Let's drink to YOUTH. For youth is the essence of me.
Let's drink to LOVE. For without it I won't survive.
Let's drink to MUSIC. For music is my drug.
Let's drink to FRIENDS. For mine are bonafide.
Let's drink to APATHY. For it is my anesthetic.
Let's drink to PAIN. For it keeps my apathy alive.
Let's drink to RAIN. For it reminds me that there will always be those days.
Let's drink to SUNRISE. For it reminds me that from those days i'll revive.
Let's drink to CHAOS. For i'm a warrior princess.
Let's drink to DRAMA. For I've not been in that shit for a while.
Let's drink to PASSION. For that's what i live for.
Let's drink to YOU. For with you i'm satisfied.

Compos Mentis

2008-11-29T09:41:00.000-08:00

Why is it hard to be normal in this world? Must there be a conventional way of living in a very uncoventional life? What customs must we follow for us to be considered sane?

20 years of non-sense living for me. Oh so sad that we are pressured to be "normal" when we don't even have a concrete definition for it. What is normal? What is sane? What the hell is accepted by the society? And where the hell does society stand?

Weh no naman ngayon kung mahirap ang ibang tao? At bakit naman kasi may mga tao na dumudugo sa kayamanan? Kaya hindi ummunlad ang Pilipinas eh, kasi maraming may kulang, maraming may sobra pero walang may "tama lang". It's either we have too much and never get contented or we have too little and it gets less everyday (sad). Pugad ng kasalanan ang Pilipinas. Kaliwa't kanan na may naggagaguhan, naglolokohan, may nagpapatayan, ginagahasa, at kung ano ano pang nakakadiri na gawain (ew). Ang hirap maging normal kng ang paligid mo ang mismong nagsasabi sau na ok lang lahat. Ok lang gumawa ng kasalanan, ok lang maging sobrang hirap at ok lang din sobrang yaman. Dahil diyan sa lahat ng yan d ko na tuloy alam kung ano dapat kong gawin. Identity crisis na ba ito? Hindi ko din alam eh. Minsan naiisip ko na ok lang na mgng masama ako , minsan naman sobrang nakokonsensya ako sa mga pinaggagawa ko. Normal ba na ganito ako? Pinagdadaanan din naman siguro ito ng madaming tao. How do you deal with a clean conscience in such a OH SO BARBARIC environment.

Nakakabaliw talaga kng ganito. From time to time, your stand on things changes. When will I have an unshakable principle? Or when will I have a principle? Grabe. I define this dilemma as boredom. I A M S O L A M E.

lakwatsa deprived me

2008-11-28T13:04:00.000-08:00

hay. mcdo ng ganitong oras. tas ukay. kelan kaya ako makakapaglakwatsa. syet.

nakakabaliw

2008-11-28T10:15:00.000-08:00

Nakakabaliw pala ang boredom. Wala akong magawa. Kahapon ay naninigarilyo ako sa labas ng bahay namin, hindi ko namalayan ay binibilang ko na pala ang mga langgam na dumadaan sa dulo ng tsinelas ko. Hindi naman sa sawa na ako sa buhay ko, i mean , i very lab my layp, very. Pero sobrang bored lang talga ako. Wala akong ginagawa. Walang gimik, work work lang lagi. Walang lablyp. pero ok lang yun amp. Walang hobby, bored ng super tlga. Subaybayan niyo to. maghahanap ako ng magagawa, sana may saysay.. Step one: maghanap ng yaya. Ok ! good luck =(

today.

2008-11-25T08:20:00.000-08:00

I am no one special. Just a common man with common THOUGHTS.

I've led a common life.

There are NO MONUMENTS dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but in ONE RESPECT I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived.

I've loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough.

heeeee =]

2008-11-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

I just had to share this with everybody. Pampahasa ng English daw :P

We' ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes.

The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I get your number?"

Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, "Connect me if i'm wrong but are you asking me ouch?"

"The!?!!??". .. ang sarcastic na sagot nya. Aba ! The verb! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we should goouch na rin.

Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces.

Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss!

The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get ourhand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend.

As is!!! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!"Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm sohappy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's our of our lives."

kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make amistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul.

I second emotion.

Thank you.

kagabi

2008-11-24T06:28:00.000-08:00

availing kinana. :P kewl.. haha early log out ngunit walang makauwi dahil wala pang sweldo. Magaling sila. Ipamuka pa nila na wala kmeng pera! Mga hinayupak. Irony of life nga naman. Ngayong may oras magalak walang pangalak. Ang cool kagabi, nagpnta kme sa kng saan at uminom, ang saya saya. Pero i sleep. I very sleep daw. Sorry naman. Sobrang antok ako, sent home ngarud. Eh di panindigan ko na may sakit ako diba??? Tapos may bath tub. Very bath tub. Napakainit ng tubig. Grabbeeee. Hindi ko na feel kasi nga tulog ako. Sheyt. Kelangan ko ulitin un, hindi ko naranasan. Sorry via.sorry rocky. sorry jobert hek hek. sorry kuya ceasar. sorry tlga haha :P joke lang im not sorry! hahaha. umalak tayo ng umalak sapagkat habang tumatagal maslalong lumilinaw ! ay ! very!

Session sa Gabi

2008-11-22T11:26:00.000-08:00

Sa may Jollibee Session to. Astig talaga Baguio. D ko pagpapalit!

....

2008-11-22T07:00:00.000-08:00

nagugutom ako. gusto ko kumain ng pish =)

ay ewan..

2008-11-22T05:53:00.000-08:00

"Ang pagibig ay parang imbornal, kapag nahulog ka,

dalawang bagay lang yan, naaksidente ka o tatanga tanga ka nanaman."

Ikaw nagsabi nyan. Gulat ako. Yan pala ang pananaw mo sa pag-ibig. Imbornal???! EEEeeww.. Ü
Pero sige na nga kahit papaano eh may point ka. But to tell you honestly, pananaw yan ng mga BITTER na tao. Katakot takot ka na pag ganyan tingin mo sa pag-ibig. Poreber mo bang tataguan ang love? Nakapagtataka ng suppppeerrrrrr. Masayahin ka naman tao, mabait ka naman, napapangiti mo naman ako. Masyado ka ata natrauma, wawa naman hehehe Ü. Sabi ko nga sasabog na dibdib ko sa pagmamahal na para lang sayo. teka, wait one moment, wag dib dib, ayoko sumabog dib dib ko. :P .Magaantay at magaantay lang po.Serbisyong totoo. hehehe. Ü Sana masaya ka ngaun sa time capsule mo. See you real soon =)

G-OO-D :P

2008-11-18T09:08:00.000-08:00

this is good. real good. confusing but goooood.. =) I'm not sticking a fork in it yet, not just yet. Though a lot of queries are getting to me, i feel just fine. Familiarity has it perks!! So i should start getting familiar, eh? hehe

My restday was ok, not much happened. I went out, watched a movie with a friend which was a bit boring and not worth the snaps. Surprisingly did not snope 'n' hope. :P And spent the whole day with my daughter.

When I got back from restday, i logged in to messenger and saw an offline message, another confusing good moment for me. So now, I give a good thing to the world? hmmmm. Haaay salamat. Ü... I can't remember anything good I've done for him but atleast he thinks I did something good for the world. thanks. If ever you are reading this, you know who you are, I appreciate you so much. And I'm hoping one day I could share to you whatever "good" you think I'm giving this world.. =)

Maybe

2008-11-18T05:35:00.000-08:00

maybe it's TRUE... im CAUGHT up on YOU!!

maybe there's a ♥chance♥ ur caught up with me, too.. =)

so MAYBE im WRONG

AND IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD???

MAYBE we're ♥waiting♥ for words we have not said!

:P

2008-11-15T06:58:00.000-08:00

kinda lang naman ?!

Curtsy

2008-11-15T05:48:00.000-08:00

The curtsy is a form of gesture. The word "cursty" is a phonological change from the word "courtesy". People curtsy to show courtesy (duh) or respect to someone who ranks higher than them in their society set up (this is like from the old times na). Pero what does it mean if this guy you really really really LIKE does a curtsy? gives u a curtsy? Does it mean that he respects you? Or does it mean that he thinks you rank higher than him? Sige na nga, may pag ka OA na ako. Para curtsy lang naman. Eh bakit ba kasi sa lahat ng pedeng gawin curtsy pa? Parang gago diba? A cursty is not even supposed to be done by a guy. The curtsy he did kinda gave me a hint on how to answer the question in my head about him. Is he just being too nice, or is he just hesitant because he thinks we are 2 very different people. I don't usually get puzzled about this things but this time it's really a challenge (AYA! =) hehe). Should I really work hard for this? Or should i wait? Or should I keep on searching for answers from things like a small stone, a curtsy or a cigarette? Clues that need clues that need clues.. Too much expectation maybe? Or too little feelings unsaid.....

**NOTE: This post will be understood by people who only work at SiTEL and are really really close to me, like if u are with me everyday :P

EEEEEEEkkk

2008-11-13T12:32:00.000-08:00

good luck!! antok na antok na ako. hindi pa ako natutulog. yehey! hehe dami kasi gngwa eh. busy busy. tas walang yaya. gising din ako ng araw.woooooo! hehe. hyper mode parin ako friends. love you all. im all E's today. Energized. Empowered. Eloquent? (pwede??!! LOL) Easy (haha don't ask!). Excited - to go home! haha. Emo. haha. hindi naman masyadong emo, napapaisip lng ng onti. >.<... goodnyt. =)

November 13

2008-11-13T10:05:00.000-08:00

oha! store na bonggang bongga. :P

memorize mo nga yan kung kaya ng IQ mo! wahahah

QLC

2008-11-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

Quarter life crisis is the new mid-life crisis. For the sake of those who does not know what mid-life crisis eh (if ever there are any), it's when your 40-ish and you start thinking about what you really want in life, what you achieved, and blah blah blah. So Quarter Life Crisis is when you're 20-ish and you start thinking about same things except at an earlier stage in your life, when your not too old and you can still choose a career that u want and people still wanna come near you cos you're young. You still have the charm, the mobility, and the looks that can help you get what you want. When you turn 20, you' ll start to think on how you can improve your life. You're going to realize that it has become stagnant for the past 19 years and you have not been moving forward, if ever you were, you were moving very very slow. Because if u are like most 20 yr olds who party, laugh and get brain-dead drunk once in a while (like me), then most likely you still don't know what career you want, who you wanna marry, what you wanna marry, where you want to live, and the like. So Quarter Life Crisis is indeed the thing for you! =) I personally am too lazy to think about what i wanna do in life. I mean if I think about it and I start dwelling to much on it, I'll end up wasting my time on options which are either too simple or close to impossible (not much of creative juice to squeeze from me, that's why). So, yes, until now I still don't know what i want and i don't really mind. haha. I'm too lazy too mind. I'm a lazy bitch. I think the best thing to do is just to go with the flow, learn from your mistakes and party. =)